


Might As Well Be On Mars/She Cries

by MorganaNK



Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer (TV)
Genre: Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-06
Updated: 2019-04-13
Packaged: 2020-01-05 22:41:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 780
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18375545
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MorganaNK/pseuds/MorganaNK
Summary: Future ficChapter One: Angel (post Shanshu) checks in on BuffyChapter Two: Buffy (post Angel's Shanshu) checks in on Angel





	1. Might As Well Be On Mars

**Author's Note:**

> Characters are the property of Joss Whedon and all interested parties.  
> Lyrics from 'MIght As Well Be On Mars' by Alice Cooper, lyrics from 'She Cries' by Nik Kershaw  
> No copyright infringement intended
> 
> Lyrics = italics

_I might as well be on Mars_  
_You can't see me_  
_I might as well be the Man on the Moon_  
_Oh, can you feel me so close_  
_And yet so far_  
_Baby, I might as well be on Mars_  


 _Baby, I can't fly_  
_If I could I'd come down to ya_  
_Maybe I should try_  


Although I can sense you I still can’t believe that you’re here. It’s been how long, five years? Maybe more. But time means nothing to us, does it?

I came to you when it happened; I thought you would be pleased. Somewhere deep inside of me I had nurtured the belief that you would rush into my arms and never let me go. How could I have been so wrong?

 _You told me you were better off alone_  
_I never knew that tears could stain_  


What changed? You are not the person you were. Has time and slaying hardened you, caused you to grow a shell over your heart

_I'd cross the universe to be right where you are_   


You’re alone now; I’ve kept track of you although our paths haven’t physically crossed until now. I thought that, given time, you would turn to me, seek me out, but all you seek is solitude.

 _You've turned my world into a dark and lonely place_  
_Like a planet lost in space, my light is fadin'_  


Do I approach you? Do I seize the moment? Do I risk rejection? Can my poor battered heart stand any more pain? 

I still love you; there’s never been a time when I haven’t. Every second of every minute of every hour of every day my heart and soul are filled with you. The bright and effervescent girl I fell in love with all those years ago. The girl who touched my darkened world and filled it with glorious sunshine. The girl who tore up the Slayer handbook, who had friends she was willing to die for. Where is that girl now?

 _I can see you_  
_In the window of your favorite corner bar_  
_But to reach you is just too far_  
_And I might as well be on Mars_  


I watch you as you sit, silently nursing your glass. People notice you, but they do not approach, your whole aura screams go away. Am I too late to save you? Do you want saving?

Do you want me Buffy? Do you want us?


	2. She Cries

_With an air of independence she walks in to your domain_  
_You are captured by her beauty; you can feel her taking aim_  


What am I doing here? This is his city, his district, hell it’s probably even his favorite bar. So what am I doing here, nursing an ever flattening vodka and coke?

By the time he came to me it was too late, I had lost the ability to feel anything but pain, hate and rage. Everyone and everything I had ever loved had left or been taken away from me. How could I do that to him? After all those years of waiting and longing, he finally got his redemption. Ten minutes with me and he would have wound up dead. Again. Just like everyone else who lived in my heart.

So I told him that I didn’t want him, that I didn’t care that he had got his Shanshu. What did it matter to me that he was human? You have a pulse? Great. Now go tell someone who gives a f…

The trouble is, I do. I care more than I have ever cared about anything else. Nothing would please me more than to be taken into those arms and held for the rest of my days. But I can’t. Love is bad; happiness is something that only the deserving experience, and I have had more than enough experience of just how undeserving I am. No, he is better off without me.

I know he’s out there; he’s always out there, watching me. Although it’s been five years since we happened around the same way, I know he knows what I am doing, just as I know about him. If ever either one of us needed the other, we would be there in a heartbeat.

In a heartbeat. Strange to think that he has one of those now. I wonder how he is handling the change? In some ways we have swapped roles. He is now free; he can live and love without repercussion. All I can do is exist. No one must ever get close to me again.

 _Underneath the cold and staring eyes_  
_Underneath the cut of her replies_  
_Underneath the passionless disguise_  
_She cries, she cries, she cries  
_


End file.
